I have this theory: I believe we listen in a world where no one hears anymore. Did we become deaf? Was it a choice or did we become conditioned to it? I started to think about this after I learned about the “filter bubble,” a concept by Eli Pariser to describe the rise of personalization in the digital sphere as a bubble of information that constantly validates your experience and beliefs. Once you decide on a viewpoint, thanks to our current technology, you are less likely to change your mind. Everything you consume, and even the people you meet will agree with you. Yes, we live funneled lives, we thrive on validation. To find an opposing view, we must leave our bubbles. But who even dares to venture outside theirs?

Do you ever feel triggered when you hear an argument that goes against your core beliefs? I do. My gut reaction is to raise my voice and talk over such arguments, fiercely debating my point of view. I know I am right, so why can’t this other person see what I am seeing? I am deaf. We are all collectively deaf. Our hearing problems have evolved into dialogue problems. We don’t know how to talk to one another. We prefer to scream, to go silent or to even choose violence. I come from a country that chose violence. We were silent for a long time, and soon enough that silence became rage.

Colombia has one of the longest civil wars in the world, all because of our hearing problems (sprinkle some corruption in the mix, and you’ve created a winning combo). Today we are going through a social crisis, accentuated by the pandemic, but also by a government that actively chooses to ignore its people. And us, the citizens? Well, we choose also to not agree with each other, some of us grief for the lives lost and injustice, some for the material property, others for a failing democracy. What is true is that we seem unable to agree on what we are fighting for, what is worth our attention, and how it should be portrayed in the international media. We are deaf; we don’t think that there are spaces for all the above in our grief, because my grief is probably bigger than yours.

I am an “optimistic pessimist.” I don’t know if that is an actual term, but I am going to coin it for myself. I see doom and despair before I can see the light. Right now, I don’t see any light. I can only see problems. They cut so deep that we can’t stop talking about them. But can we stop talking on top of each other? Can we for once validate the other’s experience, even if their experience invalidates yours? Can we sit with the discomfort of listening, even when you are dying to disagree?

In psychotherapy, active listening is used to validate the patients’ emotions. Active listening establishes trust between subjects and fosters a desire to both comprehend and create empathy among people. Above all, you must remain engaged, withheld judgement and even advise. When you actively listen, you are there to act as a sounding board, as an impartial entity. I don’t think active listening will solve all of our problems. We’ve been sick for a long time, we’ve been deaf. Coming back from such trauma won’t be easy, but at least we can start tackling it from the beginning; bringing back our hearing. We can start building trust from the ashes, and growing a garden of empathy.